dependance and trust
it about time to do my usual routine of the nite..tht is to do my sayin all rite here..
was tokin to angie next min she went missin..
guess she is real tired..mi tooo..
been muggin on cartons todae..
open n seal..open n seal all those cartons..
many many many double work has been done..precisely my mama wasnt pleased abt it..
okie..first i gt to say..she..my mama i mean..
a woman with strong-willed power n independent lady..
she nv rely on anyone on anythin in life..
maybe tht why i learnt frm her...nv to rely or depend on pple on anythin..
yang was sayin i wanna be stronger than guys..
and another one was sayin i cant lose..
tht sounded sooo wrong on mi..
ha..maybe he simply jux duno mi tht well enuff to judge..bt felt quite sad abt tht..
at work..im totally another person..
guess beside babe saw it n my mama realise..none noe i haf a split personality..=x
i dun rely on pple on anythin..im nt the kind tht would ask for help..
unless like ah yang n ah wen i cant help..cuz i needed to pass dwn instructions n ask dem carry out their tasks..
even the most heavy cartons..hw heavy n hw unwillin i dun wanna carry it..i will still get it on..jux keep tellin myself..soon it over..soon it over..1 more ctn more to go..
realise im gettin cooler n cold towards people lately..
i dun even wanna speak up or talk abt anythin...
my emotions n mood doesnt seem showin anywhere..my face expression look almost the same every single dae..
im not happy todae...my heart tell mi so..
why? many reasons for my unhappiness..
firstly the workload i haf todae n e heavy ctns tht i struggle it all..46 HEAVY TEXTBOOKS CARTONS..
secondly been call bk to work tml..tot i can finally haf a dae on my cosy bed until late evenin..bt nahhh..it gone..once again..haix..
thirdly some kinda internal issues which i doesnt wanna mention...authority n power...
im not any big jux bcuz im a supervisor's daughter...i struggle it all thru hard work n tears for the past 1 yr to get mi this far...
im nt havin any simple life either..my mama nv been strict to staff oli towards mi..she is double..no..triple or even more strict towards mi..she expect good effective n efficient work produce frm mi...
i can truely say i haf nv been ever eatin snake at work b4..ha..why? tht bcuz my mama's spirit keeps mi goin..
my heart everydae ponderin abt hw to improve n make work better in my dept..
in fact this has keep mi goin for sum time..sumtime i oso found some meanin in life n i felt a sense of achievement..
tell u sumtin..thru all this while wht i haf done..my mama has nv reali pleased or sae thanks to mi..lolx..
neway it alrite..i nv blame her b4...
this blog will be rather long i believe....
n lastly...ish e promise tht he break..i felt utterly upset tht why did he break my promise..
he promise mi he wun spilled a word abt it..n nw wht..tellin the impt peeps in this whole case...
my tears jux nt listenin to mi nw..arghhh...
i msg him n this time he did reply mi...bt i didnt say much..u might think i might be petty bt ishh NOT!! u jux alwaz haf ur own big guy's thinkin..
sorry..im not a small woman tht will let a guy control moii whole life...
u changed..u nt the person i used to noe..e one when i haf any problems or u sense i havin difficulty handlin things u first run n help mi..e one tht when everyone left mi alone to do my own stuffs..u will cum sit by my side n tell mi abt ur nonsense n crazy jokes...
wht gone ish gone...
sumhw i cant even find any memories of our past..sumhw u jux keep makin mi feel hw terrible u are..i jux cant stop thinkin why did i..why did i ever let u haf the chance to take care of mi at the beginin..
goin to work early mornin tml n settle all my heavy ctns..wooh~
guess i need plenty of slp..ermm n i felt sooo much better nw le...
guess wht i need ish jux a gd rest..

im sorry,glenn tht i started to reactin this way..i noe this shldnt be the way..but if u were mi..u will understand hw i felt..i fear of gettin into r/s nw...i chose to run away...i chose to withdraw..it's all my fault..sorry...*ha..my hatred for guys once again increase...*