gOin bAck..
i noe no one read my blog so i can simply blog whtever i like..
suddenly i felt im so small..i felt utterly terrible inside..
been weepin the whole dae..
so is my fault again..ya..everything is my bloody fault..

CAUSEWAY PT'S SIT
i had a revengeful family..
they bear grudges n NEVER learn to forgive and forget..
sun..send john off..after that went causeway pt eat..
thru out..i been lookin after the 3 kids..my cousins..
n where are they..ha..happily shoppin with boyfrens..
den at foodcourt find for place to sit..
it so pack n crowded..so i found a place quickly grab and ask the kids to sit..
the kids eventually gt settle dwn n that 2 standin at another table waitin for pple to get up frm their sit..i already call dem cum over to sit.they refused.MY FAULT AGAIN?! ur wanna a big long table but ur must think whether will pple wan anot..my uncle well he nt the kind tht so patient for a sit..is he who said sit here..do i have a choice to say NO n said u wait for awhile LILI THERE GOT PLACE TO SIT..in front there is a empty table who will still wait for ur sit..FINE!
blame it ALL TO ME DEN!

Colonscopy Eve
mum went for colonscopy ytd..the dae b4..lili argue with her n well..SHE BLAME IT ALL ONTO ME AGAIN!
just becuz i ask hw long the duration n den lili start blahhin..where nic gonna go and all..den my mum started her nonsense n all..lili didnt stop tokin back so at the end they start yellin..i told lili to stop tokin back. My mum. if u stop tokin back n let her be soon she will stop.lili refused so on n on..until i asked lili to shut up den she started quarrelin with me abt the CAUSEWAY PT'S SIT..
at the end lili slack door against me n we started our cold war..
MY FAULT AGAIN?!

SHIFTING OUT LILI'S ROOM PULL-OUT BED
i did not go skol todae..
i dun have a textbook for CMA n my blaw tut..I DUNO HW TO DO!
kind enuff nana print me all the CMA's qns n i did it all last week once she handed it over to me..n ytd nite b4 i go to bed..i pack my bag..
she said.."hey nic,the cma qns tht i give u last week is all wrong.is nt the qns for tuts..the new qns i dun haf."
i tot abt it..fearin abt my tuts teacher n all..
i decided nt to turn up for skol todae..
mum off todae..early morning she start wakin me up n pullin my bed to sun.
she said she want nana's pull out bed in lili's room come to my room.
i rejected her suggestion cuz it make my room even more cramp n all the furniture all need to shift again..which i dun wan to shift it anymore..
she started movin things out frm lili's room n ask me to help n shift it over to my room.
in my heart i wasnt happy but i still helped den i asked lili to help with the bed.she sittin in front of the tv refused to move.she said why i do sumtin sure must called her..in the hse oli me,u n mum.u expected a sick woman to shift ur bloody bed for u?! i started to scold her she started sayin abt the COLONSCOPY AND CAUSEWAY PT thing again..
the most hurtin part was when my mum blahh out abt jenny n je pple buyin drinks and food for me..MY MUM SAID I GO BEG FRM THEM AND SAID THEY PITY ME THT WHY BUY AND ALL..
i NEVER ask dem to buy.even if i did,i paid whatever i asked dem to.maybe just a drink that all.
it pains me so much tht i almost wanna go kill myself..maybe i shld.
shocked to hear tht frm my own mum.
at je,i dun tok.at most tok to pple in my dept,jia po,yaling aunty,meiying aunty and meiling n bryan.
u dun have to say things this awful.at the end...
fine! i started blahhin hw unhappy i was to shift the things over which i dun wan to.
at the end we all shut up n mind our own business.
few hrs later i did the shiftin with my mum.but when all the junk landed in my room..with no help frm anyone i started shiftin all my furnitures n settlin the bed.

TEXTBOOK PROBLEM.
i started to dig my piggy filled with coins..started countin..
im so dead broke.
im wonderin why..
i save this month le..even eat as little as i used to le..but why?!
i spend alot on my textbooks,pay dad hp bill and my transport fees..
i still gt one textbook havent get.
finally i asked n wanted to get the money frm my mum to get the books..
i explain to her abt the incident tht happen tht nana print the wrong qns n all i dun hope the next time it be this way again n every week i need to wait for her qns n she seldom come home. i need to work.i dun have everydae to do my hmwk.
lili said..she got NO MONEY! okiez..since tht the way i reply is okiez.nvm.
i went back to my room n cry again..
i duno hw many time i cried todae..
i look around..nthin..but my room..suddenly it remain me so much tht im back to square one.
think im goin back to where i belong..
a world of my own..PEOPLE known it as MY WONDERLAND.
yaz..just as wht my parent wht told me..im born to be poor so admit it..
just when i wanna reali get on with my tuts..keep track n attend every single lects..i fall back.

after saying so much..i feel better..
though i weep again n gt a nose block n assurin abt tml look will be landed up with puffy eyes,blocked nose and all..
i feel much better...

i started to think back..
abt pple i met..abt wht happen in O level..
abt pple i once love n hw silly i was..
did i reali gt stm or is it im the one who said i gt stm.
perhaps i just refuse to remember pple who hurt me n tht oso include pple who once did so much to me.
im mean..maybe i am.
so what for livin in this world..

i was mean to whywhy becuz he dump me at the bus-stop n so cold-blooded towards me.
i was mean to sam becuz her belief scares me n the possesion she had for me..
pple asked me abt this for many yrs..
n nw i haf ans u..hope u understand hw i feel..if it doesnt den nvm.
im a person with no understanding too..
am i?!

i love hEr..in my own wonderland with hEr!